Photo By: Cori Sauer of Sweet & Sauer Studio
All for Love... Love for All
Written By: Nicole Stotler
When I was a little girl, never in my wildest dreams would I believe that I would be marrying a white man from West Virginia. You see I am what I would call a ”Jamerican” – a Jamaican born American. The first born of 2 Jamaican migrants in where else (in my Eddie Murphy voice)? Jamaica, Queens – NYC. I proudly wear my Jamaica at work, home, in the car and when the DJ wants to spin a reggae set. So when I tell you that falling in love with a white man from West Virginia wasn’t in my plans….trust me it wasn’t. But then I recall a quote from John Lennon - or was it Allen Saunders? Whomever it was, they said “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.”
Fast forward 8 years and my West Virginian is now my Husband (Bryan) and the father of my two vibrant, loving and amazingly cute (pardon my bias) children. We’ve survived long distance and 2 corporate relocations – which if you have done them can put a strain on any marriage! In these 8 years we have seen a lot of fantastic things take place. Our nation has elected it’s 1st African American President TWICE! We’ve erected a Smithsonian Museum dedicated to African American history and Martin Luther King Junior has a National monument! We’ve also seen some horrible things, too many too list. The calamity that sticks out the most and will have a significant impact on my family, is the state of race relations in the US. As parents of bi-racial children Bryan and I (not just me) will have to figure out how we teach our children about race and its impact on how they may be treated. I also think this will be a learning opportunity for us as a couple, as we will educate each other on race from a different perspective. My initial thought on this curriculum for my babies is to teach them about the importance of love and respect first. With those as your base you will find it hard to build hatred in your heart and at the end of the day, that approach has worked for Bryan and I.
Prior to children, Bryan and I lived in Charlotte, NC. We loved living in the Queen City but something always seemed a bit off for us socially. PAUSE. Now I know this may not be the experience for all people who lived in Charlotte, but this was ours RESUME. We struggled to make friends and when we were together we fielded a lot of looks. Having lived in the Northeast where there was a lot of cultural diffusion and a plethora of interracial dating, these strong looks in the grocery store and at bars kind of took me a back…I’m not going to lie. I would ask myself….are they looking at us because we were such a cute couple J ? Or are they looking at us because our kind shouldn’t mix L ? Candidly I didn’t have the set to ever ask because….I just didn’t. And while I was excited about starting our lives in Charlotte, I feared that raising children in that environment put me in a situation where I would catch a case (in my Ron Isley voice). When the opportunity to move to Houston, TX presented itself, I was incredibly supportive of my husband to take it. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that H-Town is a MELTING POT. Not just because of the heat and humidity, but it is home to a huge international community and proudly totes itself as one of the most diverse cities in the US. The community that Bryan and I live in exemplifies that. We see diversity everywhere we go. The drug store, Grocery Store, Parks, restaurants and we don’t get looks. My kids get loved on by passerby’s and the Racial composition of my family is an afterthought. Don’t get me wrong….Houston isn’t a Racial utopia but the extent to which its citizens practice diversity and inclusion is something other cities can learn from and has been great for my family.
As I bring my first blog post EVER to a close, I think we will impress the importance of Love, Respect for others on our children. We will also make sure they know that love knows no color, creed or gender and as Maya Angelou said “It is time for parents to teach young people early that in Diversity there is beauty and there is strength”.
Fast forward 8 years and my West Virginian is now my Husband (Bryan) and the father of my two vibrant, loving and amazingly cute (pardon my bias) children. We’ve survived long distance and 2 corporate relocations – which if you have done them can put a strain on any marriage! In these 8 years we have seen a lot of fantastic things take place. Our nation has elected it’s 1st African American President TWICE! We’ve erected a Smithsonian Museum dedicated to African American history and Martin Luther King Junior has a National monument! We’ve also seen some horrible things, too many too list. The calamity that sticks out the most and will have a significant impact on my family, is the state of race relations in the US. As parents of bi-racial children Bryan and I (not just me) will have to figure out how we teach our children about race and its impact on how they may be treated. I also think this will be a learning opportunity for us as a couple, as we will educate each other on race from a different perspective. My initial thought on this curriculum for my babies is to teach them about the importance of love and respect first. With those as your base you will find it hard to build hatred in your heart and at the end of the day, that approach has worked for Bryan and I.
Prior to children, Bryan and I lived in Charlotte, NC. We loved living in the Queen City but something always seemed a bit off for us socially. PAUSE. Now I know this may not be the experience for all people who lived in Charlotte, but this was ours RESUME. We struggled to make friends and when we were together we fielded a lot of looks. Having lived in the Northeast where there was a lot of cultural diffusion and a plethora of interracial dating, these strong looks in the grocery store and at bars kind of took me a back…I’m not going to lie. I would ask myself….are they looking at us because we were such a cute couple J ? Or are they looking at us because our kind shouldn’t mix L ? Candidly I didn’t have the set to ever ask because….I just didn’t. And while I was excited about starting our lives in Charlotte, I feared that raising children in that environment put me in a situation where I would catch a case (in my Ron Isley voice). When the opportunity to move to Houston, TX presented itself, I was incredibly supportive of my husband to take it. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that H-Town is a MELTING POT. Not just because of the heat and humidity, but it is home to a huge international community and proudly totes itself as one of the most diverse cities in the US. The community that Bryan and I live in exemplifies that. We see diversity everywhere we go. The drug store, Grocery Store, Parks, restaurants and we don’t get looks. My kids get loved on by passerby’s and the Racial composition of my family is an afterthought. Don’t get me wrong….Houston isn’t a Racial utopia but the extent to which its citizens practice diversity and inclusion is something other cities can learn from and has been great for my family.
As I bring my first blog post EVER to a close, I think we will impress the importance of Love, Respect for others on our children. We will also make sure they know that love knows no color, creed or gender and as Maya Angelou said “It is time for parents to teach young people early that in Diversity there is beauty and there is strength”.
How I Met The Author
A few months into his new role, my husband came home so excited about his new co-worker, Bryan. He said, "He's so Cool"... I think that I am going to like working with him. By the way, he said that his wife is looking for a hair dresser... do you have any recommendations?" My response (with a side eye)..."You said that he was white, right?". That day, I was reminded that I shouldn't ASS-U-ME anything. That was also the day that I met the wonderful Nicole Stotler; as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. Unapologetic about her thoughts, beauty, strength and her ability to command a room, she taught me that "people see you as you see yourself". Nicole pushed me to be better and try things that I never saw myself doing just by being herself. She is that friend that you want to be like when you grow-up...
"Never Scared, Always Hopeful, Full of Love and Truly Nicole" .
A few months into his new role, my husband came home so excited about his new co-worker, Bryan. He said, "He's so Cool"... I think that I am going to like working with him. By the way, he said that his wife is looking for a hair dresser... do you have any recommendations?" My response (with a side eye)..."You said that he was white, right?". That day, I was reminded that I shouldn't ASS-U-ME anything. That was also the day that I met the wonderful Nicole Stotler; as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside. Unapologetic about her thoughts, beauty, strength and her ability to command a room, she taught me that "people see you as you see yourself". Nicole pushed me to be better and try things that I never saw myself doing just by being herself. She is that friend that you want to be like when you grow-up...
"Never Scared, Always Hopeful, Full of Love and Truly Nicole" .