Photo By: Tatiana Zellner
Taking The Gloves Off
Written By: Tatiana Zellner
So when Manny asked me to write on her blog this week about my fitness journey, I was nervous. This blog features such amazing women’s stories - like a new age version of Chicken Soup for the Woman’s Soul - and I felt like all I had to offer was a can beer nuts. But here goes anyway!
After almost 34 years on this planet, I FINALLY feel like I have come to peace with my body – how it looks, how it works (except that pesky postpartum pelvic floor that makes jumping jacks a lot of fun), and what it can do (I can’t keep a beta fish alive but I grew a baby - so that’s pretty cool)! I spent all of my 20s loathing my body and determined that some diet or short-lived fitness program was going to “fix” me. You name it – I tried it. Low carb, no carb, expensive bars and shakes (I apologize in advance if I tried to sell you Herbalife in 2012), 1200 calories a day, expensive boot camp classes (that I would eat burgers after because burpees must burn 20K calories, right)? It was the same cycle over and over – hating what I saw in the mirror, going “all in” for a period of time, realizing I didn’t have enough “will power” to keep up the lifestyle long term, and then beating myself up wondering – I’m a smart person, why can’t I do this?
Fast forward to being pregnant in 2014 – my body insecurities took a back seat to my diva-like mentality of pregnancy being “so hard”, so working out 30 minutes a week warranted a gold medal, and since I couldn’t have wine I replaced it with Cheetos, tater tots, lots of peanut butter, cuz ya know, #eatingfortwo. When the cuteness of a bump transformed into my postpartum body, those insecurities came crawling back. But after bringing my brand new baby girl home, I was determined – I could no longer let my body insecurities control me. I was not going to teach my daughter to hate her body and to have a distorted relationship with food and exercise.
In March 2015 I had the opportunity to go to a course called the Corporate Athlete (if you get a chance to go, I highly recommend it) and it changed my life. The premise of the program was simple – manage your energy for the stuff that matters most to you, write down your personal mission (aka reason for being on the planet), and understand how nutrition and fitness can be a tool to help you accomplish the mission. Pretty simple stuff, right? But thankfully, I had an aha moment – I had spent so much time beating up how my body looked, and focusing on the “what” (crazy diets, how many pounds to lose, etc.), instead of my “why”. Surely God’s purpose for my life was not boiled down to a dress size, so why was I allowing it to have such an impact on me? I finally realized that my “why” – being blessed to be a mother, a wife, a friend, a coworker, etc. were clearly more meaningful than my weight. I finally felt like the boxing gloves were off against food and fitness – I realized they were there to help me in my purpose, not torment me. I was meant for more.
Since the ~2 years of my fitness/nutrition “aha” moment, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that working out is a blessing, not a curse. And, the impact to my mental health alone has made a huge impact for me (thanks endorphins). I’m learning what foods work or don’t work for me - not because of an arbitrary “naughty list”, but because of how they impact my health and how I feel (#byegluten). I’ve also learned that, this is so much bigger than me, but encouraging those I care about most to invest in their health. I love watching my daughter workout with me (even though most nights I’m scared I’m going to accidentally hit her in the head with a weight). I love getting texts from my dad that he’s eating something green (which has historically been a rare occurrence). I’m excited for how God will use my journey to influence others – not that I have it completely figured out (not even close)! But I’ve finally learned to enjoy the journey, love my body, and for once, take the gloves OFF and stop fighting against food and working out!
After almost 34 years on this planet, I FINALLY feel like I have come to peace with my body – how it looks, how it works (except that pesky postpartum pelvic floor that makes jumping jacks a lot of fun), and what it can do (I can’t keep a beta fish alive but I grew a baby - so that’s pretty cool)! I spent all of my 20s loathing my body and determined that some diet or short-lived fitness program was going to “fix” me. You name it – I tried it. Low carb, no carb, expensive bars and shakes (I apologize in advance if I tried to sell you Herbalife in 2012), 1200 calories a day, expensive boot camp classes (that I would eat burgers after because burpees must burn 20K calories, right)? It was the same cycle over and over – hating what I saw in the mirror, going “all in” for a period of time, realizing I didn’t have enough “will power” to keep up the lifestyle long term, and then beating myself up wondering – I’m a smart person, why can’t I do this?
Fast forward to being pregnant in 2014 – my body insecurities took a back seat to my diva-like mentality of pregnancy being “so hard”, so working out 30 minutes a week warranted a gold medal, and since I couldn’t have wine I replaced it with Cheetos, tater tots, lots of peanut butter, cuz ya know, #eatingfortwo. When the cuteness of a bump transformed into my postpartum body, those insecurities came crawling back. But after bringing my brand new baby girl home, I was determined – I could no longer let my body insecurities control me. I was not going to teach my daughter to hate her body and to have a distorted relationship with food and exercise.
In March 2015 I had the opportunity to go to a course called the Corporate Athlete (if you get a chance to go, I highly recommend it) and it changed my life. The premise of the program was simple – manage your energy for the stuff that matters most to you, write down your personal mission (aka reason for being on the planet), and understand how nutrition and fitness can be a tool to help you accomplish the mission. Pretty simple stuff, right? But thankfully, I had an aha moment – I had spent so much time beating up how my body looked, and focusing on the “what” (crazy diets, how many pounds to lose, etc.), instead of my “why”. Surely God’s purpose for my life was not boiled down to a dress size, so why was I allowing it to have such an impact on me? I finally realized that my “why” – being blessed to be a mother, a wife, a friend, a coworker, etc. were clearly more meaningful than my weight. I finally felt like the boxing gloves were off against food and fitness – I realized they were there to help me in my purpose, not torment me. I was meant for more.
Since the ~2 years of my fitness/nutrition “aha” moment, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that working out is a blessing, not a curse. And, the impact to my mental health alone has made a huge impact for me (thanks endorphins). I’m learning what foods work or don’t work for me - not because of an arbitrary “naughty list”, but because of how they impact my health and how I feel (#byegluten). I’ve also learned that, this is so much bigger than me, but encouraging those I care about most to invest in their health. I love watching my daughter workout with me (even though most nights I’m scared I’m going to accidentally hit her in the head with a weight). I love getting texts from my dad that he’s eating something green (which has historically been a rare occurrence). I’m excited for how God will use my journey to influence others – not that I have it completely figured out (not even close)! But I’ve finally learned to enjoy the journey, love my body, and for once, take the gloves OFF and stop fighting against food and working out!
How I Met The Author
Well if you've been reading this site for a while, you know that Tatiana is my "Ace" and we go back like Babies and Pacifiers... BUT what you may not know is that she has been capturing her wonderful fitness journey on her Instagram page: @mommyneedsendorphins . Check it out if you want to see the cutest 2 year old cheering mom on during works out or to get healthy recipes that actually taste great. If you are looking for a fun fitness page to follow, this would a great place to start!