Life's Lessons In Love
Written By: Sheldy Angela Harrison
During my quest to accomplish my goals in life, I had little or no desire to enter a relationship. I believed doing so would interfere with my life goals. In addition, I've always found that difficulty existed as it relates to balancing my personal needs and desires thus preventing me from providing the necessary attention to make a relationship successful. Furthermore, while dating, it always felt as if I was trying to fit a piece of a puzzle into the wrong place. So, instead of focusing my efforts on dating, I decided to focus on myself. I focused my energy on living a life crafted toward my own happiness.
After a few years of self-discovery, I surprisingly found love in an unexpected place. As I experienced true love for the first time, I found a deeper appreciation for life. I also realized how my previously relationships prepared me for my current relationship. In previous relationships, I found myself in relationships for the wrong reasons. Loneliness, filling unrelated voids, infatuation and false aspirations were all examples of the misguided rationales I learned about myself, during my years of self-discovery. I also learned a relationship was more than two good people who come together. Although I once regretted those experiences, I learned how they were all necessary to truly know what love is and to appreciate your significant other. While on this journey, I have also learned some of the truths behind popular sayings about love. Below, are a few of my opinions regarding some of the common sayings about love, many of which I had to learn the hard way.
“Love At First Site”
I consider myself a logical person. I’ve always believed that when you meet your soul mate, you would just know. Whether it is a miscellaneous sign or some sort of indication that proves it was ordained, there simply would be an unexplained intervening action. I still very much believe in signs and predestined events. However, life has taught me that those events may not always originate from the preferred source or happen as quickly as expected.
After my first date with my current boyfriend, I had no interest in dating him exclusively. In fact, we were friends for over 4 years before officially stepping outside of platonic bounds, thus, dating. Although I was always aware of his attraction to me, it wasn’t until we crossed paths during critical times in both our lives that we made the decision to explore a relationship beyond our friendship. It was this divine intervention that made us both realize how things work according to God's plan, not our own. It also reconfirms how things work in God’s timing, as well, and not our own.
“Friends Make The Best Transitions To Relationships”
In previous relationships, dating was always the first step. Thereafter, and usually in a short period of time, we would prematurely transition into a relationship due to infatuation of sorts. During this cycle, we managed to accomplish the task of conveying our expectations to one another, with little to no objections, due to our infatuation with each other. Longevity, however, was the sole issue that existed.
Within my current relationship, although we were friends prior to entering a relationship, there was still a learning period. So, once we decided to pursue one another, we made an effort to become best friends first. Ultimately, it was the best decision we made for the foundation of our relationship because it strengthened our communication. The communication piece is essential for talking out issues and setting expectations for each other as we ventured into a relationship.
“All You Need Is Love”
As Teddy Pendergrass stated, "it's so good, loving somebody, when somebody loves you back".
With my boyfriend, for the first time in my life, I felt a true unconditional bond. It was then that I truly knew the feeling was mutual. We were, and still are, in sync. Of course, life has a way of testing us all, usually when we believe everything has finally fell in place. During the first few weeks of my relationship, my boyfriend's father was diagnosed with cancer. Evidently, the doctors predicted his father would only have a few more months remaining. During this time, my love for my boyfriend was tested. The unfortunate news propelled my realization that love embodies more than dates and good times. In order to assist him with getting through one of the toughest times of his life, I realized how my wants and needs had to be placed on-hold. I became aware that my friends and family may not understand the complexities of our relationship, therefore, my boyfriend and I would be embarking on the journey together. Our situation also assisted me with learning how in a relationship, you must rely on each other and that the relationship is what you two make it. Furthermore, I also learned the prerequisites of love: selflessness, patience, understanding, supporting, forgiving, and honesty. Love is also growing together as well, to continuously strengthen your relationship for your next chapter in life.
“You Complete Me”
After a few unsuccessful relationships, for various reasons, I decided to do some soul searching. I wanted to determine what I truly wanted from a relationship. I also wanted to determine what exactly I was looking for in a mate. In the process of improving myself, I decided to stay single to not run the risk of hurting someone or allowing anyone to influence me. I simply focused on myself. I soon realized that my thought process was searching for validation from my relationships and feeling the need to be in a relationship, regardless of the circumstances of the relationship.
I then began focusing on the areas of my life that needed healing. I had to learn how to be comfortable with myself, outside of my family, friends, and society's opinions. Doing so proved beneficial over time. Now, within my current relationship, rather than simply looking for someone to fill time or a void, I instead found someone to incorporate into my life. I’ve also found someone whom is complete and looking for similar things out of a relationship. Additionally, I found it was important to maintain my interests and hobbies outside of my relationship, to maintain my own personal growth and happiness.
“It's Like The Movies”
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned while in love is the difference between the cliché movies and reality.
In the movies, the two individuals miraculously end up together and are presumed to live happily ever after. From my experience, the ‘happily ever after’ is possible but with much more work required in contrast to the fictional movie cliché. The process of two individuals uniting is one of life’s most beautiful processes. However, it comes with a price. Sacrifices, mistakes and life lessons are all contributory factors. Having someone willing to love you with all your flaws and faults is a treasure. However, one must remember to always hold that person's feelings in the highest regard and care for their heart as if it was your own. It is also important to always remember the reason you two fell in love and to cherish it.
“New Age Thinking”
Recently, there has been a new development involving younger women and their neglect to show emotions or show vulnerability. It has become acceptable to “cut people off” because it implies power. The bible states, "love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoings, but rejoices with truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things," (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV). Becoming the person who hurt you previously only contributes to the problem. If one wants something they have never had before, they will have to humble themselves and try something different. Expecting different results from the same course of action taken previously could prove futile. It will require work on a daily basis.
In closing, everyone has vices and attitudes, which makes us difficult to deal with from time to time. Love is not about finding the perfect person or living a fairy tale. It is about finding someone who has a heart for you and finding something you both are willing to fight for equally.
After a few years of self-discovery, I surprisingly found love in an unexpected place. As I experienced true love for the first time, I found a deeper appreciation for life. I also realized how my previously relationships prepared me for my current relationship. In previous relationships, I found myself in relationships for the wrong reasons. Loneliness, filling unrelated voids, infatuation and false aspirations were all examples of the misguided rationales I learned about myself, during my years of self-discovery. I also learned a relationship was more than two good people who come together. Although I once regretted those experiences, I learned how they were all necessary to truly know what love is and to appreciate your significant other. While on this journey, I have also learned some of the truths behind popular sayings about love. Below, are a few of my opinions regarding some of the common sayings about love, many of which I had to learn the hard way.
“Love At First Site”
I consider myself a logical person. I’ve always believed that when you meet your soul mate, you would just know. Whether it is a miscellaneous sign or some sort of indication that proves it was ordained, there simply would be an unexplained intervening action. I still very much believe in signs and predestined events. However, life has taught me that those events may not always originate from the preferred source or happen as quickly as expected.
After my first date with my current boyfriend, I had no interest in dating him exclusively. In fact, we were friends for over 4 years before officially stepping outside of platonic bounds, thus, dating. Although I was always aware of his attraction to me, it wasn’t until we crossed paths during critical times in both our lives that we made the decision to explore a relationship beyond our friendship. It was this divine intervention that made us both realize how things work according to God's plan, not our own. It also reconfirms how things work in God’s timing, as well, and not our own.
“Friends Make The Best Transitions To Relationships”
In previous relationships, dating was always the first step. Thereafter, and usually in a short period of time, we would prematurely transition into a relationship due to infatuation of sorts. During this cycle, we managed to accomplish the task of conveying our expectations to one another, with little to no objections, due to our infatuation with each other. Longevity, however, was the sole issue that existed.
Within my current relationship, although we were friends prior to entering a relationship, there was still a learning period. So, once we decided to pursue one another, we made an effort to become best friends first. Ultimately, it was the best decision we made for the foundation of our relationship because it strengthened our communication. The communication piece is essential for talking out issues and setting expectations for each other as we ventured into a relationship.
“All You Need Is Love”
As Teddy Pendergrass stated, "it's so good, loving somebody, when somebody loves you back".
With my boyfriend, for the first time in my life, I felt a true unconditional bond. It was then that I truly knew the feeling was mutual. We were, and still are, in sync. Of course, life has a way of testing us all, usually when we believe everything has finally fell in place. During the first few weeks of my relationship, my boyfriend's father was diagnosed with cancer. Evidently, the doctors predicted his father would only have a few more months remaining. During this time, my love for my boyfriend was tested. The unfortunate news propelled my realization that love embodies more than dates and good times. In order to assist him with getting through one of the toughest times of his life, I realized how my wants and needs had to be placed on-hold. I became aware that my friends and family may not understand the complexities of our relationship, therefore, my boyfriend and I would be embarking on the journey together. Our situation also assisted me with learning how in a relationship, you must rely on each other and that the relationship is what you two make it. Furthermore, I also learned the prerequisites of love: selflessness, patience, understanding, supporting, forgiving, and honesty. Love is also growing together as well, to continuously strengthen your relationship for your next chapter in life.
“You Complete Me”
After a few unsuccessful relationships, for various reasons, I decided to do some soul searching. I wanted to determine what I truly wanted from a relationship. I also wanted to determine what exactly I was looking for in a mate. In the process of improving myself, I decided to stay single to not run the risk of hurting someone or allowing anyone to influence me. I simply focused on myself. I soon realized that my thought process was searching for validation from my relationships and feeling the need to be in a relationship, regardless of the circumstances of the relationship.
I then began focusing on the areas of my life that needed healing. I had to learn how to be comfortable with myself, outside of my family, friends, and society's opinions. Doing so proved beneficial over time. Now, within my current relationship, rather than simply looking for someone to fill time or a void, I instead found someone to incorporate into my life. I’ve also found someone whom is complete and looking for similar things out of a relationship. Additionally, I found it was important to maintain my interests and hobbies outside of my relationship, to maintain my own personal growth and happiness.
“It's Like The Movies”
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned while in love is the difference between the cliché movies and reality.
In the movies, the two individuals miraculously end up together and are presumed to live happily ever after. From my experience, the ‘happily ever after’ is possible but with much more work required in contrast to the fictional movie cliché. The process of two individuals uniting is one of life’s most beautiful processes. However, it comes with a price. Sacrifices, mistakes and life lessons are all contributory factors. Having someone willing to love you with all your flaws and faults is a treasure. However, one must remember to always hold that person's feelings in the highest regard and care for their heart as if it was your own. It is also important to always remember the reason you two fell in love and to cherish it.
“New Age Thinking”
Recently, there has been a new development involving younger women and their neglect to show emotions or show vulnerability. It has become acceptable to “cut people off” because it implies power. The bible states, "love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoings, but rejoices with truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things," (1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV). Becoming the person who hurt you previously only contributes to the problem. If one wants something they have never had before, they will have to humble themselves and try something different. Expecting different results from the same course of action taken previously could prove futile. It will require work on a daily basis.
In closing, everyone has vices and attitudes, which makes us difficult to deal with from time to time. Love is not about finding the perfect person or living a fairy tale. It is about finding someone who has a heart for you and finding something you both are willing to fight for equally.