8.1.16
Photo By: Michael Stein
Hi! I’m Your New Best Friend.
Written By: Elise Stein
I feel like I’ve got a good number of friends. Close friends, acquaintance friends, long distance friends, etc. Most of us, I would say, have had lots of practice in the friendship making and building department. All of childhood, school, and college is one massive friendship making opportunity and some of my longest running friendships are the ones that started just by eating lunch together in elementary school. But there’s something about becoming a first time mom that seriously tests and reshapes these skills. You’ve just gone through 9 months of something you’ve never done before and are now a completely different person than you were pre-baby and you find yourself bumbling about in an unconfident manner so contrasting to your prior self.
When I had my first child, I remember going to the park or tot lot and feeling completely alone, even though the park was filled with other moms and babies. I just assumed that everyone there already had a group of friends and wasn’t looking for more. Secondly, what kind of mom am I? Sounds silly, but going to the park somewhat resembled picking the right lunch table in middle school. Are you a stroller pushing mom? Bfeeding mom? Professional mom? Baby wearing mom? There are so many ways to approach motherhood, and therefore, so many ways to bear judgements and bring forth your own.
When I had my first child, I remember going to the park or tot lot and feeling completely alone, even though the park was filled with other moms and babies. I just assumed that everyone there already had a group of friends and wasn’t looking for more. Secondly, what kind of mom am I? Sounds silly, but going to the park somewhat resembled picking the right lunch table in middle school. Are you a stroller pushing mom? Bfeeding mom? Professional mom? Baby wearing mom? There are so many ways to approach motherhood, and therefore, so many ways to bear judgements and bring forth your own.
Yep, I’m crying. No really, I am. I’m 8 months pregnant with our third baby so all it takes is thinking about that commercial to produce full on rollers. But really, I think we’ve all been those moms in the commercial at some point – judging others for whatever visible choices we see them making. I’m totally guilty of it.
"Her hair looks way better than mine. Did she curl it or just magically wake up that way? Either way, mine can’t do that. No way she’d want to be my friend."
"I swear I don’t feed my baby fruit snacks all the time, it’s just that kind of day and I didn’t have time to puree something fresh. She probably thinks I don’t care about health. I bet she wouldn’t want to be my friend."
"Is that her casual wardrobe? Woah, she must think I look like a scrub."
"Yikes, my kid is loving that hill and totally covered in dirt – I hope she doesn’t think I’m neglecting him because he got messy."
Just me? Don’t kid. You’ve been there, too. Maybe a little bit. Whatever the thought process, I found myself thinking things about other moms at the park rather than actually finding out about that mom from herself. I was so preoccupied thinking how different we were and there’s no way she’d want to be my friend. More times than I’m comfortable with, I would go out with my child, do the whole park routine, come home, and realize that no piece of my life had changed. Day after day. It was monotonous. And totally unfulfilling.
So one day, in the same way that you turn on a lightswitch, I decided to take a different approach. Rather than thinking, "she probably doesn’t want to be my friend", I donned a more confident attitude and thought, "why wouldn’t she want to be my friend!?" I mean think about it – cute outfit and fab hair aside <wink> – let’s find our common factors – we’re both at the same park so we probably live close by, it’s Tuesday morning at 10am so we probably are both SAHMs (stay-at-home-moms for those unfamiliar with mom lingo) or at least have similar schedules, we both have a kid about the same age, and there’s some mysterious stain on our left shoulder. We totally know the same struggles. "Why wouldn’t she want to be my friend!?"
That did it. That mindset right there. Everyone, regardless of mom approach, had friend potential. I started coming home everyday and telling my husband about the new friend I made at the park who was sure to be my bestie. It converted the park from a scary school lunchroom to an amazing opportunity. Everyone could, and would, become my friend. My best friend. Sometimes there really is the person who just wants to zone out and scroll through their FB and not interact with anyone else. And that’s ok. I’ve been there, too. But for the most part, I’ve found that everyone at the tot lot is just like me, bumbling about this parenting business hopeful for some connection or conversation to help them feel supported and understood. Similac hit the nail on the head; "welcome to the sisterhood of motherhood".