Photo By: Tatiana Zellner
Dear Motherhood
Written By: Marcus Williams
Dear Motherhood...in so many ways I see you as a gift and a thorn. You bring women in my life so much joy and sense of purpose, while in other times I see these same women in so much pain. You challenge women to think, act and love outside of themselves. You make it hard for them to be selfish or to be selfish for too long. At times I have seen you give life with all of the beauties that come with it and at other times I have seen you take it away in an instant. You are the greatest training program ever developed as you can take a lost, scared, selfish woman and turn her into someone that could easily run many of the Fortune 500 companies in our world. It is a treasure seeing you tempt, test and reward women of all backgrounds. You see no color, you see no history, you are who you are and I love you for being relentless. I believe it is through you that our world will learn to love each other, support each other and make our time on Earth a little sweeter. When women take full advantage of you the end products are world changers, leaders, presidents, etc; when not, we sometimes meet villains and those that don’t value life like you do. Thank you for the blessing you are as you have given me the opportunity to witness the woman I love transform into one of your own...and by my standards and hopefully yours...SHE IS KILLING IT!
Mother's Day Interview with Emmanuella Williams:
Q: At what age did you realize you wanted to be a mother?
A: I don’t think that I knew anything else. It's not that I realized I wanted to be a mother but always knew I would be a mother. Being a mother is part of my culture and it is the main role I was expected to have. In our culture you get married, you have kids and then your career. That is what I saw with my mother and other women in my life and my mother was always there for us. For me it was part of my religious upbringing; you have to get married to have sex and a condition of marriage is to have kids. While growing up it was rare that couples would "choose" not to have kids. It feels like this was always how life was supposed to be and it would have been odd for me to feel like I did not want to be a mother.
Q: What was your greatest fear(s) going into motherhood?
A: First, it was that I would not be good enough and not know what to do. Oddly that was not the biggest fear because I had you [MARCUS]. Even if I did not know what I was doing, you were confident and I knew we would figure it out. Secondly, I was fearful that the baby would not be healthy and that I would not know how to handle that. Thirdly, and I know this may sound vain, but everyone wants a cute kid and given we are both dark skinned, I worried if we had a dark skinned girl I wouldn't know how to help her grow up with the right self-esteem. Lastly, I worried about how I would protect them. While they were in my womb I had a lot of control but once out, so many things could happen that I could not control.
Q: How many kids did you think you would have/want?
A: I never wanted more than two kids. This was simply because I am one of four and I realize how expensive it was for my parents. We could never do anything! For example, we never got the new shoes we wanted because my parent had to buy for three others. It was hard to go to places like Disney because my parents would have to pay for four kids on a very meager income. At times I imagined we were like the family across the street with just two kids because it "seemed" like they could do more.
Q: What is your greatest fear for your children in today's environment?
A: For Nathan, it is knowing that he is a black boy in America. He is a great kid with a great heart but that does not really matter sometimes. I hope and pray every day that he is not in the wrong place at the wrong time. As a parent I know I have to let him grow up and experience childhood. My parents let me have liberties and it developed me and I don’t want to take that from him, but it is scary. It is frightening to know that I could let him go on a trip and he may never come back.
For Layla it is the same thing, but also how do I make sure she feels like she is enough. How do I grow and nurture a strong and beautiful young black girl when I don’t always feel that way? How do I give her the things I lack? For both, How do I make sure they stay "woke" and aware of what being black means but teach them to treat people with the utmost respect regardless of their race, age, gender, etc. I want our children to understand their race but be kind to people; to be tough enough to survive but gracious enough to love people the way God teaches us to. My fear is I will make them too soft and they won’t make it or make them too hard and they become a statistic. In either scenario I would have failed.
Q: What/who has been your greatest influence as a mother?
A: My mother! My mother is by far the best mother I know. I used to go to bed on holidays and there would be nothing in the house, but I would wake up to turkey in the oven, a full spread, new clothes and everything else you could imagine. It was like magic! She was a woman leading in the church in addition to being there for us when we left for school and there when we got home. She showed me strong work ethic but she never took a job that would take her away from us. Sometimes I think about how my mom used to just push through pain and weakness to get things done for us. I really used to think there was a magical fairy but now I know it was just my mom. Her greatest trait is her humility. I remember when I was about ten years old I asked her a question and for some odd reason she went completely off on me. About an hour later she came to me and apologized for how she had spoken to me. That was a true demonstration of her humility. As my parent, for her to acknowledge she did something wrong changed the way I looked a my mom. I realize she always respected me and it made me respect her more. I hope to pass this on to my kids.
Q: What is it like raising children in a very modern/digital society?
A: Scary! Sad! I feel like it is my fault because for too long I have been a busy mother. I remember growing up with my brothers and how creative we were in coming up with new games, using our artistic abilities and just coming up with stuff to do to keep occupied. All we had was a black and white television and most of the time it was on the Trinity Broadcast Network so we had to come up with stuff to do. Now we have so much but it feels like kids cannot appreciate creativity. Also with social media, now people have more access to my kids simply by me posting things about my life. To some degree you want to share these experiences with your friends/family, but at the same time you are opening your kids to the unknown. To be honest I am not ready for what it will be like to have a teenager in this world. It is hard enough to make sure the version of Peppa Pig my kids are watching is legit. In the future, I will have to worry about cyber bullies and everything else this world will have to offer. What it means is I have to do better as a mother. I need to use the technology for its benefits and show them other ways to use their creativity.
Q: If there was one thing you could do differently as a mother what would it be and why?
A: Have more patience! I sometimes think about how many crazy things me and my brothers used to do and realize my kids are not even a third as bad as we were. Unfortunately, because I am constantly rushing I don’t have time to let me kids be kids and for me to be a mother. Today, I feel I am being more impatient than patient. I need to take time to listen and talk to them instead of always rushing them so I can get to the next thing. I want to have a day where I just sit there to watch them play and do nothing! Instead of getting on them about everything, I want to help them understand it does not always have to be perfect. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I need to experience each moment because my three and seven year olds will never be three and seven again.
Q: What is your greatest memory to date of motherhood?
A: There are so many good memories but I love every time I hear Nathan say, "Don’t worry Layla I will help you". Recently we were driving and Layla asked me for a hug. Nathan responded, "Layla when we get out the car I am going to give you a BIG HUG!". These moments help me know that no matter what happens to us they will love and take care of each other. One thing my dad taught us was that we needed to love and take care of each other, always. Spending time together as a family and experiencing these kinds of moments matter most to me.
Q: What advice would you give to current or future mothers reading this blog?
A: It is advice that someone gave to me when I was pregnant with Nathan. Every parent has to go through the experience of being a first-time parent. Typically, as a new parent we don't know what we are doing or how well we are doing it. I have learned that "you have to do what feels right for you!" Understanding this released me from judgment from my mom, myself, peer pressure about what people think your kids should eat, when they should sleep, what schools they should go to and the list goes on. If you try to do it the way someone else says, you will drive yourself crazy. At the end of the day you may be doing it wrong but there is peace in knowing you are doing it your way. You carried the kids for 40 weeks and God gives you the wisdom to know what to do. You should never doubt the instinct God put in you to be a mother. The biggest thing is to always trust God to help you raise your child.
Mother's Day Interview with Emmanuella Williams:
Q: At what age did you realize you wanted to be a mother?
A: I don’t think that I knew anything else. It's not that I realized I wanted to be a mother but always knew I would be a mother. Being a mother is part of my culture and it is the main role I was expected to have. In our culture you get married, you have kids and then your career. That is what I saw with my mother and other women in my life and my mother was always there for us. For me it was part of my religious upbringing; you have to get married to have sex and a condition of marriage is to have kids. While growing up it was rare that couples would "choose" not to have kids. It feels like this was always how life was supposed to be and it would have been odd for me to feel like I did not want to be a mother.
Q: What was your greatest fear(s) going into motherhood?
A: First, it was that I would not be good enough and not know what to do. Oddly that was not the biggest fear because I had you [MARCUS]. Even if I did not know what I was doing, you were confident and I knew we would figure it out. Secondly, I was fearful that the baby would not be healthy and that I would not know how to handle that. Thirdly, and I know this may sound vain, but everyone wants a cute kid and given we are both dark skinned, I worried if we had a dark skinned girl I wouldn't know how to help her grow up with the right self-esteem. Lastly, I worried about how I would protect them. While they were in my womb I had a lot of control but once out, so many things could happen that I could not control.
Q: How many kids did you think you would have/want?
A: I never wanted more than two kids. This was simply because I am one of four and I realize how expensive it was for my parents. We could never do anything! For example, we never got the new shoes we wanted because my parent had to buy for three others. It was hard to go to places like Disney because my parents would have to pay for four kids on a very meager income. At times I imagined we were like the family across the street with just two kids because it "seemed" like they could do more.
Q: What is your greatest fear for your children in today's environment?
A: For Nathan, it is knowing that he is a black boy in America. He is a great kid with a great heart but that does not really matter sometimes. I hope and pray every day that he is not in the wrong place at the wrong time. As a parent I know I have to let him grow up and experience childhood. My parents let me have liberties and it developed me and I don’t want to take that from him, but it is scary. It is frightening to know that I could let him go on a trip and he may never come back.
For Layla it is the same thing, but also how do I make sure she feels like she is enough. How do I grow and nurture a strong and beautiful young black girl when I don’t always feel that way? How do I give her the things I lack? For both, How do I make sure they stay "woke" and aware of what being black means but teach them to treat people with the utmost respect regardless of their race, age, gender, etc. I want our children to understand their race but be kind to people; to be tough enough to survive but gracious enough to love people the way God teaches us to. My fear is I will make them too soft and they won’t make it or make them too hard and they become a statistic. In either scenario I would have failed.
Q: What/who has been your greatest influence as a mother?
A: My mother! My mother is by far the best mother I know. I used to go to bed on holidays and there would be nothing in the house, but I would wake up to turkey in the oven, a full spread, new clothes and everything else you could imagine. It was like magic! She was a woman leading in the church in addition to being there for us when we left for school and there when we got home. She showed me strong work ethic but she never took a job that would take her away from us. Sometimes I think about how my mom used to just push through pain and weakness to get things done for us. I really used to think there was a magical fairy but now I know it was just my mom. Her greatest trait is her humility. I remember when I was about ten years old I asked her a question and for some odd reason she went completely off on me. About an hour later she came to me and apologized for how she had spoken to me. That was a true demonstration of her humility. As my parent, for her to acknowledge she did something wrong changed the way I looked a my mom. I realize she always respected me and it made me respect her more. I hope to pass this on to my kids.
Q: What is it like raising children in a very modern/digital society?
A: Scary! Sad! I feel like it is my fault because for too long I have been a busy mother. I remember growing up with my brothers and how creative we were in coming up with new games, using our artistic abilities and just coming up with stuff to do to keep occupied. All we had was a black and white television and most of the time it was on the Trinity Broadcast Network so we had to come up with stuff to do. Now we have so much but it feels like kids cannot appreciate creativity. Also with social media, now people have more access to my kids simply by me posting things about my life. To some degree you want to share these experiences with your friends/family, but at the same time you are opening your kids to the unknown. To be honest I am not ready for what it will be like to have a teenager in this world. It is hard enough to make sure the version of Peppa Pig my kids are watching is legit. In the future, I will have to worry about cyber bullies and everything else this world will have to offer. What it means is I have to do better as a mother. I need to use the technology for its benefits and show them other ways to use their creativity.
Q: If there was one thing you could do differently as a mother what would it be and why?
A: Have more patience! I sometimes think about how many crazy things me and my brothers used to do and realize my kids are not even a third as bad as we were. Unfortunately, because I am constantly rushing I don’t have time to let me kids be kids and for me to be a mother. Today, I feel I am being more impatient than patient. I need to take time to listen and talk to them instead of always rushing them so I can get to the next thing. I want to have a day where I just sit there to watch them play and do nothing! Instead of getting on them about everything, I want to help them understand it does not always have to be perfect. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I need to experience each moment because my three and seven year olds will never be three and seven again.
Q: What is your greatest memory to date of motherhood?
A: There are so many good memories but I love every time I hear Nathan say, "Don’t worry Layla I will help you". Recently we were driving and Layla asked me for a hug. Nathan responded, "Layla when we get out the car I am going to give you a BIG HUG!". These moments help me know that no matter what happens to us they will love and take care of each other. One thing my dad taught us was that we needed to love and take care of each other, always. Spending time together as a family and experiencing these kinds of moments matter most to me.
Q: What advice would you give to current or future mothers reading this blog?
A: It is advice that someone gave to me when I was pregnant with Nathan. Every parent has to go through the experience of being a first-time parent. Typically, as a new parent we don't know what we are doing or how well we are doing it. I have learned that "you have to do what feels right for you!" Understanding this released me from judgment from my mom, myself, peer pressure about what people think your kids should eat, when they should sleep, what schools they should go to and the list goes on. If you try to do it the way someone else says, you will drive yourself crazy. At the end of the day you may be doing it wrong but there is peace in knowing you are doing it your way. You carried the kids for 40 weeks and God gives you the wisdom to know what to do. You should never doubt the instinct God put in you to be a mother. The biggest thing is to always trust God to help you raise your child.
How I Met The Blog Founder
I met Emmanuella Saint-hubert for the first time in 2006 on the illustrious campus of "The" Ohio State University. During this period in our lives we were both pursuing a Master's degree in Human Resources in OSU's Fisher College of Business. I remember the first time I saw her thinking…"WOW", this girl is prettier in person than all the photos I had seen. So I am going to pause here and explain a bit more because you are thinking…"this guy was a STALKER!" I would say that is only partially true! The 2005-2006 school year was Emmanuella's first year in the program and the business school took some very candid, but beautiful photos of her in class and posted them on the school website. So every day when I went to the business school homepage, at some point the stock photos would scroll past one or more of her gorgeous pictures. I may have visited the home page multiple times a day, but that is for me to know and you to imagine. I recall seeing her for the first time in the student lounge at a table all by herself and thinking, "Now is my time to make a move!" So I did and the rest is history. She is the love of my life, my best friend and the best mother I know…"No shade MOM!" It is an honor and privilege to do life with her every day. We have been on such an awesome journey for 11 years and I look forward with anticipation for what GOD has in store for us in the future. I imagine that if you are reading this ,YOU TOO feel blessed to be in her life and you have the opportunity bear witness to the AMAZING things GOD will do with and through her.